How to Ask a Guy for a Second Date by Text

We love us some Downton Abbey, but ladies waiting on gentlemen callers? Eh, not so much. If you see a guy you want to meet, or want to date a guy you already know, there's nothing to keep you from initiating action—except, maybe, knowing how to ask him out.

For starters, you don't want to play it too cool or coy, but you also don't want to go all man-eater on him any more than you'd want to be prey to some slick pickup artist. And even though it's been decades since we were green-lighted to make the first move (thanks, Sadie Hawkins!), many of us still feel uncomfortable putting that anointment into action: Only 11 percent of women say they've actually asked a guy out in the past year, according to a Match.com survey of more than 5,000 people.

Then there's the fact that some men are feeling marginalized these days because they've been hit a little harder than women have during the economic downturn-and the last thing you want to do is brazenly stomp all over his last bastion of manhood. So how can you move the ball down the field? Be honest, direct, and authentic about what you want from a guy and you can't go wrong.

"I don't believe in playing games or following rules," says Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., a sexologist and relationship expert in New York City. "Be forthcoming and take that emotional risk." Whether you want to initiate a conversation or try a contortionistic move in bed, make sure your advances will be well received by following these strategies.

Your Goal
Show him you're interested.

Make Your Move: You spot a prospect across the room. Yes, you could march over there and introduce yourself. But your feminine charms are so powerful, you may not have to. In fact, research shows that most women already make the first move by sending clear nonverbal signals. Making repeated direct eye contact (not constant direct eye contact) and smiling are the most effective ways to convey that you're interested, according to Andrew Trees, Ph.D., author of A Scientific Guide to Successful Dating.

Be Even Bolder: No matter how compelling your come-hither signals, some guys (especially shy ones) won't get the message, so you need to approach them. Just walk up to him and comment on anything that's relevant in that moment: If he's drinking a certain beer, ask if he likes that particular brewery. If you're watching a baseball game, tell him that you can't believe your city's team is on such a winning streak. "It really doesn't matter what you say," explains Trees. "What's important is confident body language and a friendly tone." Once the conversation is rolling, lightly touch him on the hand—it's a more intimate gesture than the Flirting 101 arm touch, and it will clearly communicate your interest. Research also shows that subtly mimicking his body movements (e.g., resting your hand on the bar the way he is) can make him respond to you more positively. Just be subtle—if you're too obvious, you may creep him out!

Your Goal
Line up a date with a guy you know casually.

Make Your Move: Here's a crazy idea: Call him! Yes, actually dialing a guy's digits sounds super old-school (and potentially terrifying). Instead, you could shoot him a casual text referencing something you two talked about when you met, and see if it sparks some back-and-forth banter. But Levkoff says relying on texts to get and stay in touch can do you a disservice: Texting can drag on forever without actually resulting in a date, or it can quickly become a gateway to late-night hookups (unless that's what you're after, in which case, knock yourself out!). "Calling someone is a bold move, but it shows how confident you are and engenders respect," she says.

Be Even Bolder: Once you've pulled the trigger on getting in touch, you could sit back and see if he asks you out. Or you could just do it yourself. The trick here is to be direct and specific, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex and relationship counselor in New York City. "Guys can be dolts sometimes. You have to be direct, otherwise he might not get it!" explains Kerner. Suggest something that feels special and personal—like going to see that Black Keys concert if you know he's a big fan—and ask him in a way that conveys this is a date, not a casual hangout. "Do you want to do such-and-such with me?" should get the job done. If it's a Friday or Saturday evening, even better—a weekend night automatically makes it feel more like an official date, says Kerner.

Your Goal
Do something new in bed.

Make Your Move: If whatever you want to try is on the tamer side—a new position that's supposed to knock your sexual socks off, or some dirty talk—just go for it in the heat of the moment, says Levkoff. "When it comes to these more intimidating sorts of sexual experimentation, men aren't going to judge what you're doing or saying in the throes of passion," she says. He'll most likely be psyched and happily play along.

Be Even Bolder: If you want to try something a little more involved—role-playing, for example—it's best to bring it up before you strap yourself into that dominatrix outfit. These more daring sexual moves require forethought, and they have the potential to backfire if you just spring them on him. Kerner recommends finding a tantalizing way to suggest whatever you want to try and letting him give it some thought. "Find a sexy way to introduce it," he advises. Try "I just read a really hot scene, where the woman was blindfolded..." or "The other night, I was imagining how good it would feel if you..." See how he responds and then go ahead and Make Your Move already.

All the Wrong Moves

We asked the guys on MensHealth.com to fill us in on the times when women have been less than successful in their attempts to be forward (including going for a premature crotch grab! Ladies, settle down!). Any of these behaviors ring a bell? You might want to tweak your technique.

"A woman I work with duped me into a date. We had to go do something for work and drove together. After we were done, she pulled the car into a restaurant and I found myself on a double date with another coworker and her boyfriend."

"Touching is good, but full-on I groping (unless you're already dating) is way too much."

"Alcohol is an easy way to overcome the nerves of approaching someone. However, too often it ends up being some annoying-as-hell girl who's three sheets to the wind, and you just want her to go away."

"My neighbor would ask about my relationship status—if I was still with my girlfriend—during most conversations."

"She showed up at my house "and caught me by surprise. Not my favorite approach."

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

How to Ask a Guy for a Second Date by Text

Source: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19902352/game-of-love/

Share this post